Vox Talk

The one thing that I love about my Vox is that it's a secret. It's one of the few secrets that I have been able to keep over the past year. Yes, Christine introduced me to it, but aside from Kata, none of the friends to whom I talk to on a regular basis know about this account.

I feel that this gives me an opportunity to talk about things in a more open manner, allowing myself to use a voice that I often don't show because I get called out on it.

I have one friend who has a habit of doing that...she calls me out whenever I'm not "acting like myself" which causes quite a few identity crises that eat and eat at me. It's not to the point where I can't talk to her about it, but its a noticible problem to me.

That's not what this post is about, though. This part is about Vox.

There's something about the site that just calms me in that weird, nostalgic way. It reminds me a lot of DailySonic -- making you feel like you're connected to everyone -- the way that it shows tiny little "this is good" things that make you smile.

It's a calm place for me where I can talk how I want without much fear of being judged.

What else?

Hm...this part is about TJ.

I like the way that TJ doesn't have any expectations for me. Words can't describe how much I love that he doesn't want the expected "physicality" in our relationship. We hug and we kiss and we're such good friends but a lot more than that. I get confused, a lot, and he puts up with that. He comforts me when I'm having a bad moment and tries to walk me through my uncertainties. He takes care of me...and it's always worth the wait. It's always worth the wait for his friends to leave, or the few minutes that we get alone outside by his car before he takes me home for the night. Just the hugs...just letting him hold me...he makes me feel so safe.

We don't love each other -- not yet. We've agreed not to say those words until we're absolutely sure. I like that.

..

I want my puppy.